Joel's Turn

 Jonah 1:1-4

Now the word of the Lord came to Jonah the son of Amittai, saying, 

"Go to Nineveh, that great city, and proclaim [judgment] against it, for their wickedness has come up before Me.” 

But Jonah ran away to Tarshish to escape from the presence of the Lord [and his duty as His prophet]. 

He went down to Joppa and found a ship going to Tarshish. 

So he paid the fare and went down into the ship to go with them to Tarshish away from the presence of the Lord.

As I have been preparing for this next step in my life, this Bible story has been playing through my head on repeat. I know from a young age that God had a wonderful plan for me and my life and that it would be something so much better than I could ever imagine. Even though I know this, I am such a selfish person, my way feels so good and more importantly to me, it is easy. I had many chances to say yes to his calling, but instead I chose to go away from what he had called me to. and to go to a place that I wanted to be not a place that I was meant to be. 

When I was a kid, I felt the calling of God on my life to be a missionary. And at one point I remember saying to God that I would do it. I then moved on with my life and forgot this (passively let it fade away). Then, as is so often, life happened and with hardships and challenges, I gave up my faith due to doubt and to not feel worthy (I truly believed that God did not care about me). So, even though I continued to confess with my mouth that Jesus was Lord, in my heart it was cold, rock hard, and just empty. I felt like God had turned his back on me and I desired to feel acceptance from something, I searched for it in so many areas of my life and found mostly rejection everywhere, but my family and my friends were in the church so, for them, I stayed in the church.

Looking back on that part of my life, I could not see what God was preparing me for. All that I saw was all the unanswered prayers (where I felt the rejection from him). All of the moments of pain and just the unhappiness that I was experiencing was because my focus and my value was solely focused on me and me alone. God waited for me to be ready for me to refocus my life. Though much hardship, I was able to see what God was doing with me and that all the times I asked for him to take away the pain, to end the challenge, to give me what I thought I needed and he said no, that was him sculpting, making, building me into what I can be (what he wants me to be) to do what he has planned for my life.

So I go off to college and once I complete my degree he calls me again; I have a choice to make, do what I want in the moment or answer His call. So (shocker) I choose myself and what I want in life and move to Western Washington. It is amazing, the amount of patience that God has with me, because over the next 5 years he calls me again and again and each time I always had a response... (never a good one, but one that makes me feel good with the choices that I am making). 

Jonah 3:1-2

Now the word of the Lord came to Jonah the second time, saying, 2 “Go to Nineveh the great city and declare to it the message which I am going to tell you.”

Oh how I wish that God would only have to call me twice for me to hear him and to follow after what he has wanted me to do. Ever since I met Melia, she would talk about moving somewhere and completing the great commission. Each time I would know that that is what God would have me do also, but each time I would push it off and give an excuse of why that just wouldn't work, well right now. Long Term Missions Nope - Short Term Missions...sure. This would happen at least once every 3 to 6 months and each time I gave the same answer. Then last fall, Melia asked me about doing the whole Long Term Missions thing again - little did she know that was what I was fighting with God about. Over the pervious weeks, God had so nicely pointed out that every time I would have a surgery coming up I would make my life about that singular thing - THE SURGERY. Everything that I talked about, all the choices that I made, and all the thoughts in my head were about the surgery... Where was the place for him? So I told Melia, you can research about going (the safe answer - I didn't say no this time, but I did not say yes). Over the next couple of weeks, I struggled to say yes because it was going to be a huge step. I had to make a place for Him and for the calling that He had for my life. 

Now the scary part. I have decided that I am going to accept the call of God on my life and go. I am going to do the thing that younger Joel was never able to do and only because I truly believe that is where I am being called by God. I know that this post is not a post of sunshine and rainbows, well that is because I am flawed and avoid God through out the choices that I have made in my life. Yet, God has patience and continues to shape me to be someone who is able to answer his call. God's calling is something that is so far beyond myself and something that just seems to be beyond what I can do or even hope to do. This adventure with God is something that I am not sure how it will start or end or what person that I will be though it, but I do know that it will be something for His Glory.

Psalms 62:5-6

For God alone my soul waits in silence and quietly submits to Him, For my hope is from Him.

He only is my rock and my salvation; My fortress and my defense, I will not be shaken or discouraged.

While I am not sure what is coming, I have hope and trust in my Rock. He will be there for me through all the steps that are needed to be taken and see us through this entire process. These verses in Psalms is one that I continue to hear and, just maybe, is something that I should hear and hold on to through the next few month of changes that are happening. For my hope is from Him - all the unknown that is coming, He is the one who knows. On Sunday the 22nd, Melia and I found out that we have made it though the first step to work with Village Schools International. Next step, even more paperwork. We will continue to update as we learn things. We will continue to praise God as things come together. We will continue to pray. 

TLDR:

Prayer Requests: 

1. That we will not lose sight of what God has for us right now - Not just look to the future and miss things around us.

2. That we would lean more and more on God and continue to learn how to trust him with our lives. 

3. That we find a place for Shiloh (our cat).

Roses: 

1. Friday continues to do better at his new home and is getting along with the other cat. 

2. The the mentorship and support from those around us. 

3. That Melia and I are unified toward this work and that we keep receiving confirmation, support, and open doors through the process so far. 

4. For the Perspectives class which continues to be affirming. 

Thorns: 

1. Missing Friday. 

2. Fear of missing out on family and friendships. 

 

Learning to listen better,

Joel Benjamin